System Corruption
10:26 Jun 28 2007
Times Read: 865
It’s a quiet night and I’m walking past the security check point of the building. I’m tired, I’m beat and I’m also looking forward to a long walk, only to be accompanied by my thoughts. I wasn’t bothered neither by the fact that my shoes hurt, nor by the fact that I’ve been forced to develop a psychotic entity that takes over every time I walk in that building. Unknown to the events that would unfold in the following hours, I was glad to have an odd hour to disintegrate in my solitude.
Through my short journey, there was only one thought in my head, constantly poking at me like a devil cardboard cut out smiling at me while trusting his pitchfork.
It was how I managed to spend two years concentrated on one individual who managed to get close enough, not only enough for me to recognize her existence but enough to long for that voice just to help you make it through the day.
I didn’t ask for this, I don’t even like being in such a state as I witnessed my predecessors crumble into dust when the rabbit won the race, when the Trojan walls have been breached. In my case, the slow turtle won but it still offered the same result.
I met Sara about two to three years ago. Sara was a beautiful mind wrapped in a model’s body. Needless to say she was intelligent, unpredictable, adventurous, psychotic, cold hearted and with enough potential to take over the world. All attributes I fancy and are needed for one to survive around me.
I met Sara about two to three years ago at the rave who came on to me like a speeding bullet to a magnet. At the time, I was dating Julia – A blond from the big apple who turned out to be a complete lie and a waste of time. In retrospect she did have huge apples!
Even though I suspected Julia’s Pinocchio attitude, I still liked her so I didn’t really pay attention to Sara.
Eventually, Sara got closer and Julia ended up being just another memory one remembers on heavy drinking mixed up with a bunch of drugs on an uneventful Saturday night. It took me about a year to open up to Sara and start caring.. She wasn’t there for me half the time but was when I needed her most which it what actually mattered. Of course, far from your average common courtesy, I gladly returned the favor by making her smile everyday.
We were like a mischievous, disturbed Walt Disney feature. I was Rapunzel, waiting in my locked tower which would be translated to ‘Bounded by my own doubts and detachment and she was the heroic prince abandoning the locals, embarking on a rescue mission. But like every fairytale that’s blinded by fiction, every dream that turns into a nightmare, my hair tore apart while she was well on her way to reaching my tower.
This happened about six months ago when I found myself in Malta, living at my Mom’s place again. We started decreasing contact, communicating less and arguing more. I just needed a break for myself, a break from the solid foundation which has been constructed and manufactured inside me with her name imprinted on it.
This way was after she tattooed my initial on her chest and proclaimed me as hers. You can twist it, you can bend it but at the end of the day, I was actually hers, in many ways I still am.
In the same time frame, a Canadian who identified herself as Amber approached me. Amber had tight facial features, hidden under neatly styled short red hair attached to a perfect body. She also happened to be a reliable single parent in a dire need of attention, with a daughter that’s beautiful enough to makes me smile every time the thought of her comes up.
Needless to say, we instantly hit it off and with the help of her daughter., she made me discover a new part of myself. Something I never really had and that’s to really care about something beyond myself. Holding onto it isn’t an easy task, especially when you’re use to otherwise.
Eventually my plans started changing. I started paying much less attention to Sara and while I still cared for her, I couldn’t stop myself from dismissing Amber. It didn’t take much to realize that I was holding on to Sara by the Skin off my teeth and like an inmate full of jail-house tats, I was full of sins, confusion, dismay and corruption in a lot of ways.
Two days seem like two years and that’s how long it took me to destroy them.
I was woken up by an 8am phone call and on the other end of the line stood a drunk and pilled-out Sara. She seemed pissed at me . The again she could’ve just been taking it out on me the same way she always did. I didn’t mind it as being with her always made me smile. This time it was different. This time I witnessed her snoging someone else, on a hard copy even.
It was dawning and my tolerance level was at ground zero. I was making my way out of oblivion while she was well on her way in. After I took her usual babble, I freaked out. Aware of my actions and the consequences I’d have to pay, it took me about two minutes to come clean, confess my sins, to demolish a three year relationship.
This was way out of line, enough not to even recall what it looked like when I crossed it! It’s the end of the race, no playoffs, no acquittals will be reached.
The end of the Game!
I confessed that in rage, disgust and disappointment of a hard copy, I sought refuge in the highest bidder who at the time was an ex partner. I coldly stood there listening to the avalanche I stirred up from a kiss.
I crying voice uttered…
’‘I really Loved you, Brandon.’’
She hung up….
COMMENTS
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xxVampiraxx
23:42 Jan 12 2008
wow...your story was so touching and so near to my own life....I know this story...glad I came by...:)